Pun Salad

From the Dover (NH) police log, as published in the January 16 Foster's Daily Democrat (free registration probably required):

Gail P. Napolitano, 49, of 80 Union St., Dover, was arrested on Dec. 24 and charged with simple assault, domestic related, following a dispute with her mother. Napolitano allegedly winged a fruitcake at her 71-year-old mother, who had been staying with her for the holidays, after learning of her mother's decision to spend Christmas Eve night elsewhere. She was released on $500 personal recognizance bail, and had a court date on Dec. 27.

Christmas, of course, always brings its share of fruitcake-winging incidents, not only here in New Hampshire, but as far as I know in the rest of the country. When will our legislators wake up to ban this alleged "foodstuff"? Too many of our homes have them just lying around, especially during the stressful holiday season; a simple momentary flash of hot-headedness can result in yet another senseless winging. Because of their usefulness as doorstops and paperweights, fruitcakes are often carelessly left within reach of children.

This madness must stop!