Roll Over, Ralph Waldo

… and tell Henry David the news:

  • The rude bridge that arched the flood is long gone, as are the embattled farmers, the flag that was to April's breeze unfurled, and if you have anything in your possession that might fire a shot heard round the world, well you better have a license, and you better not be a town employee of Concord, Massachusetts.

    Moreover, Concord is today battling an even more dire threat than marching Redcoats: the fear that its own residents might purchase drinking water in a plastic bottle from a willing seller.

    Grant Bosse comments further.

    … let's concentrate on the fact that what I choose to drink and how I choose to drink it, be it organic green tea from a hand-fired ceramic mug or New York City tap water bottled in plastic and shipped to a 7-Eleven, should not be concern of the voters of Concord, Massachusetts. It's a shame that the people who choose to live where Americans first fought for our freedom also choose to mar that legacy with their meddlesome and likely illegal ways.

    Indeed. That Spirit that made those heroes dare to die, and leave their children free back in 1775 has apparently packed up the U-Haul and departed.

  • As a fan of both Sherlock and Iowahawk, the Case of the Purloined Pathfinder was right up my Victorian-era alley. Starring famous detective Lord Mayor Bloomburg Holmes and hagiographer Attorney General Eric Holder.
    "Holmes!" I exclaimed at the sight of him lazily tamping down the bowl of his pipe. "Have you not read your own anti-tobacco proclamation?"

    "Holder, my friend, have I not more than once cautioned you about jumping to conclusions?" he laughed with that devilish gleam in his eye. "Contrary to your supposition, the contents of my Meerschaum are not tobacco, but merely the dried leaf of the genus cannibis sativa. Its medicinal qualities are quite renowned throughout Mexico and our finest university dormitories. I myself have found it invaluable in focusing my deductive powers."

    "You may consider my relief complete," I said as watched him inhale a long steady hit from the Meerschaum, flickering his thumb against its carb. "I was afraid I would be forced to apprehend you on felony tobacco charges."

  • The National Commission on Fiscal Responsibility and Reform is charged with the dreadfully important task of getting government profligacy under control. It's not unlikely its recommendations will be used to implement drastic changes in taxes and spending affecting all citizens. And if you thought it was going to conduct its business transparently… well, think different.

  • Speaking of transparency, have you been noticing the semi-cute kid-infested TV ads for Ally Bank? You may not be aware—as I wasn't—that it's a brand of General Motors Acceptance Corporation, more commonly known as GMAC. More information from the Competitive Enterprise Institute here; they have become a thorn in the side of General Motors, hammering at its deceptions about "paying back" its government loan. On Ally:
    Yet the whole basis of the commercials is to hide the "fine print" that Ally (GMAC) has received massive bailouts from our tax dollars. And the kids in the commercials and other American kids are going to be stuck with a huge tab for the bank's subsidies. These commercials may not have legally actionable false claims, as we contend GM's do, but certainly many of the bank's customers would reconsider if they were aware of its troubled past and government largesse.
    Here's an idea: banks on the government teat should disclose that information in BIG BOLD PRINT in any ad they run.